So any one who may read this as well as my previous posts might be saying to him or herself, "What's up with this guy, why doesn't he just stick to what he says he's going to do and do it, instead of me having to read 5 posts about why he can't lose inches around his fat ass, (waist actually)? Seriously!'
Well my astute reader the above would require something called integrity. I'm proud (sic) to say that I woefully lack this commodity. Integrity is about honesty. Really it's about being honest with yourself and who you are. Did I mention that I have a fantastic penchant for laziness as well? My procrastination is almost an art form. My lack of organization is legendary.
You see when you lack integrity and can't keep your word to yourself, the truth that you are able to tell yourself is all the negative things that are present within you. It is true I am all of the above things, but is it really who I am? No like anything else they are parts of who I am, albeit not my favorite parts. They are certainly not the dominant parts. But when you lack integrity these thoughts can consume you, until all the things that you like about yourself seem to have faded. Until the only thing you trust about yourself is your inability to keep your own word to yourself. Sadly when we do this to ourselves, we find it becomes easier to not being honest with others. Our outlook then becomes more jaded, because we start losing faith in the trustworthiness of other people, because we assume they are like us.
Think about how highly we revere people that actually do have integrity, and can be trusted that their actions and words coincide. I think that's because truth is rarer than finding a sip of water in the middle of the Sahara desert.
I want to be someone I can trust.
So earlier I listed a bunch of things that I am. Here are some things that I also am. I'm a hard worker. I care about other people. I'm very smart. I'm funny. I have a good heart. I come from a good family. I have been imbued with a fair share of creativity and talent. I'm a risk taker of sorts. Not the kind of risk like skydiving. I'm talking about the kind of risk where you take on a job that you don't know everything about, and you willingly tackle it, similarly as changes come to that job I willingly embrace them.
To me this blog is a risk. I have very few readers, mostly because I've told very few people. Ironically few know because I wanted to build up blog posts, and thus my integrity with completing it, afraid I wouldn't do anything. So far three people know. Still as I stated before the blog is really for me. If no one else reads another word I am ok with that. As long as that no one else doesn't include me. For me it is building up integrity in something each week. That I personally looked back and see that I've done something for myself. I do take satisfaction in completing my posts, and sticking with it.
The truth most of the time is not pretty, and that's o.k. to. Even though I haven't made close to my inches lost as I would have liked so far I feel writing each week helps me get to that goal, because it's a form of accountability in maintaining integrity with myself. So reader be forwarned, the inches will come off, and it will be a slow and arduous process. This process might be me losing two more inches over a six week period followed by six more weeks of nothing. As I said I'm in this for the long haul. I've found in getting older and more mature, is that I have a greater wisdom combined with a resolve that what I want won't happen overnight, but likely over years. I'll be here no matter. Oh yeah I can be very stubborn, a trait that can be a double edged sword, perhaps a double edged life giving sword. Figured I would end this post on a pithy note. Done.
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